Wednesday, January 6, 2010


I feel like I (and we, as a couple) have a very hard time making friends. I don't know why that is. I do seem to gather people as I move through my life, as does my husband, but we have also tended to wind up living far from those we are closest too. I think part of the problem is that we are both introverts. Well, technically, I'm on the border between intro- and extraverted, but I think that stems mostly from my comfort with people when I *do* know them well.

Most nights will find us (or me, if he is away for work) hanging out at home with the dog, watching some TV or maybe a movie, or reading. And I don't have a problem with that! I love sitting on the couch with the dog, reading, or talking to my parents on the phone about one of their many computer-related questions. But I feel like we should have a broader social circle, that we should maybe be going out to dinner or hanging out with other couples. And we don't have that.

I do think that not having kids contributes to this pretty significantly. We don't have kids - so we don't have the opportunity to meet people at kid-centered activities. I don't go to kindermusik, or gymnastics, or need to set up a baby sitting co-op. I don't carpool to take kids to school, or need to set up play dates. I met people when I was in school, but now, in this post doc? I don't know quite where I fit in.

It's probably going to be worse with my husband working in the city and only coming home on weekends. He works all the time when he is there, so I don't anticipate him gathering a group of city friends anytime soon. When he is home on weekends, we spend most of our time together. We don't go to church - we don't really have a desire to. And while we are happy with our lives, and content with the extent of our socialization, I can't help but feel that ours is a pretty lonely life, and that we might benefit from a broader circle of friends.

If something happened (let's hope it doesn't, but work with me here...) I am not sure who would help us out. Neighbors have offered to help if I can't get the snowblower started when N is not here, or to check on our house when we are away. But that doesn't translate into dinners together, or even just hanging out.

Why am I even worrying about this? Is it some sort of societal mandate that we all must socialize x number of nights per month? Is it that I read in my fluffy magazines about people going out to dinner, making plans with friends, and "entertaining" regularly?

I think I started thinking about this - again - when we visited my in laws for Christmas. They have very few...well, really, *no* friends. If family friends hadn't made the trek to our wedding, they wouldn't have had any non-family members there. And from my perspective, I do not want to end up like that. I want to have people I can call if I need to - or meet for coffee if we want to - or just hang out with. I just don't know how to go about gathering those people in this phase of our lives.

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