The inimitable Loribeth posted recently about why there aren't more bloggers who write about living childfree after infertility. (Actual post is here.) And it got me thinking, why *aren't* there more of us?
I write about living child free after infertility, but I don't really advertise that I do. I tend not to comment on other peoples' blogs. I have not emailed the Stirrup Queen to add my blog to her roll. I don't allow (at least, I don't think I allow) my blog to be found via Google, etc. Part of this is because of my profession; part of it is because I am a very private person; and part of it is that I do not want people judging me, my husband, and our choices through their own lenses.
I think it is very difficult to go "public" as someone who has chosen to live childfree after infertility. It is still very difficult for me to "come out" to friends / relatives / college classmates (i.e. people I know in real life) as someone who has a) experienced infertility, and b) chosen not to pursue all possible options.
I even find it difficult when my husband answers peoples' questions as if we chose, all along, to be childfree. I don't think I wrote about this here - it occurred this summer, during All The Travel and The Not Blogging. We were with friends from my husband's college - we do this every summer - and taking a picture of all of us. My husband is the designated photographer - he is really fantastic at it. N did something to make the kids laugh and get their focus OFF the picture-taking, and someone commented on "when will you guys have kids?" N's response - point blank - was to say "We aren't going to have kids." Stares and questioning looks all around. Now, everyone was too polite to ask *why*, but the way he said it, it sounded like this was what we had chosen to do. And I'm sitting there thinking, but there's no *context*! None of these people (as far as I know) know about our infertility struggles. None of them know what we did. None of them know the choices we made, the discussions we have, the thoughts I *still* have. But I didn't say anything. Because I didn't want to get into it. I didn't want to have to defend our choices. I didn't want to have to listen to anyone suggesting adoption or foster care or other medical options.
And that is kind of why I keep a low profile online, as well. I like reading other peoples' blogs; I'm less enthused about putting myself and my blog out there. Plus, I don't always focus on living childfree. Sure, it comes up, but less often than it used to. More often, I think I'm writing about living childfree in the context of living the rest of my life.
Anyway. So those are my thoughts. Sorry for the incoherence and rambling -it's what most of my emails have sounded like today, too. Pity the poor people who receive those. ;)