Monday, December 28, 2009


I have such big plans for this week - no scheduled meetings, plenty of time to sit in my yoga pants and work on the concept paper for the next grant...and now Monday is almost over and I feel like I haven't accomplished anything. I *know* I did, but I have a hard time believing that right now. I should probably just take a day off - I baked and cleaned on Christmas, and throughout this weekend. As I usually do. And I am running errands and meeting a colleague for lunch tomorrow, which is pretty typical for me. And I'm going to the gym, and taking the dog on walks, and making dinner, and...Yeah. I think I need a day off. A day to do nothing but sit on the couch, read, and enjoy my husband's company. Maybe we can swing that on Friday.

I've found that I get frustrated very easily when I don't have my husband to talk me down from the ledge. Today's case in point - getting frustrated coming back from our walk because I had a dog who was pulling on the leash, a big (unexpected) box and two magazines from the mail, and a poop bag. And it was slippery, and windy, and my hair was in my eyes. Oh, and it was cold. So I was NOT happy when the dog was pulling and then stopping right underfoot and then leaping off again, and then I dropped the mail and nearly dropped the box and should have dropped the poop bag instead, and then I yelled at myself when putting the dog in the house so I could get the trash can, and instead the dog thought I was yelling at him, so I felt even more terrible, so I swore at myself as I closed the door to go back outside and when I came back in he was cowering near the entry.  And that's not fair to him. So I spent 20 minutes snuggling with him, talking to my mom on the phone (another computer problem) and convincing him to eat his food. And then doing more work. And then more snuggling. And then more treats. And now we're snuggling on the couch again.

But I really need to make better decisions in these situations...I could have left the damn box in the mail box (it's locked) and gotten it tomorrow. I could have tucked something under my arm differently. I could have stopped, gotten organized, and then finished the walk. I could have made several *better* decisions than I made. And it's times like this that I think it's probably a good thing that we can't have kids - and that we're not going to pursue the technology necessary for us to even have a chance. Because if I can't take a deep breath and get over a walk with the dog??? I'm pretty sure I'm not cut out to be a parent.

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