Friday, May 29, 2009


I head out of town tomorrow for nearly a week. International travel, for the first time in, well, a long time. I'm a little worried I've lost my mojo - not only for traveling internationally, but for traveling by myself. I used to do it all the time...but I worry that now I've become too used to traveling with my husband and letting him take care of things. I imagine it'll be good for me - in a place where I know no one, where I don't speak the language, and where I'll need to figure out how to get around on my own. I have a feeling, though, that I will be ready to come home once the conference is over!

My imminent departure has led to a great shifting of "stuff" around the house. Working on projects I want to finish before I go (time-sensitive things, like potting plants), piling up clothes that I think I want to take, doing the same with toiletries (good grief, the toiletries...I consider myself relatively low-maintenance, but it seems as though I'm taking more stuff than I could possibly use...), doing the laundry, etc. etc. etc.

I've also been trying to shift the focus of my research interests, with minimal (at best) success. The grant I was planning to write - for the past year, at least - focused on a topic that seems to be on its way out. And the agency has funded multiple studies on this topic just this fiscal year. Sooo....perhaps it's good that I am headed out of town - and to a work conference, no less. I usually get some good ideas by listening to others talk about their work, and I'm hoping that this conference will spark some creativity on my part. I've been worried, because I feel like I am spinning my wheels trying to find the next.big.idea...but maybe I should just let it go for a week. It's not like I won't be working - I will - and letting my brain relax a bit could be the spark that I need.

We're also considering getting a new car. N's car is almost 7 years old - American made - and is one of the brands that are being dumped. So its value as a trade-in will be nearly nothing if we wait much longer. But...the car we are thinking of getting is most definitely NOT a family car. It's tiny - would fit us, the dog, and a duffle bag - but not a carseat. Like moving N's office into the putative nursery, this is one of those shifts that I'm finding I need to work on. I can't feel overjoyed about the prospect of a new car if it's one that a carseat won't fit into. Not yet. I need a little time, still. I feel like, well, we made the decision not to go forward at this point, shouldn't I feel happy and relieved and...yeah, not so much. I think I'm still grieving my vision of "family", even though I know that my current family is pretty excellent. Time, I guess, will heal (or at least scab over) all wounds.

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