Tuesday, April 20, 2010

Thanks for validating my non-marriage

I had to get this one out - it has been driving me nuts all day.

We are having a same-sex marriage "debate" in my state. *sigh* I'll just state for the record that I am among the most liberal of liberals - and I hate the fact that there is even a "debate". It's actually kind of a forced "debate", anyway. But I digress.

Periodically, because of this, there are letters to the editor on the topic. Today's gem was from some woman, somewhere, who opined that marriage is between a man and a woman ("mates"), for the purpose of mating. As in, producing children. And that this is the only reason for marriage.

I have heard this before - I have also heard this refuted many times. And it just makes me sad - and discouraged - that, in the eyes of these people, my marriage is seen as "less than" because it has not resulted in the production of the next generation.

I want to write back to her, and ask her whether infertile couples, or those for whom having children is an emotional or financial risk too big to take, or older couples long past the point of reproduction...whether they shouldn't be married either. Because, you know, the whole point is to create the next generation. To populate the earth. And without reproduction, my marriage is, according to this woman, a fraud.

Now, I'm sure she would not agree with all I have typed here. I'm sure she thinks that it's just fine that my husband and I are married but unable to have children. After all, I have two X chromosomes, and he has an X and a Y, so our marriage is just fine. But it's arguments like these that get my blood boiling on two points: 1) that two men or two women shouldn't be married (gah...) and 2) that reproduction is the ultimate point of two people getting married.

I'm being much less coherent than others have been on this same topic, but...it just makes me mad. We don't choose our paths in this life. I wouldn't have chosen to be infertile. People who happen to be gay don't choose that path, either. You take what you're given - you try to partner with the best match for you, whether that is someone of the same sex, or someone who is infertile - and then you live your life.

I won't be writing back to what'shername. She doesn't deserve another minute of my time. But I still need to deal with the feelings that her letter brought up in me...that feeling of being "less than" because my marriage isn't typical. Because my parts are apparently not in working order. Because I can't have the kid(s) that we so desperately want(ed).

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