Friday, August 28, 2009


And, a happy early birthday to me....on a gray, gloomy day (the 3rd in a row)...and the day I figured out they changed a grant deadline so that it's not the letter of INTENT that's due next week. No, it's the whole grant. And I missed the letter of intent deadline. What the he**?

I am so frustrated right now. It feels like I can't do anything right this week - hell, it feels like I can't do anything right this month.

It started with the wedding, and the not-so-covert glances at my very-not-pregnant stomach. Moved on to the vacation-that-wasn't, and the frustration caused by my family. Segue to an inability to concentrate, a looming tuition bill, books for the semester that will cost in the neighborhood of $500, a checking account that has seen better days, and now this? I know it doesn't seem like much to people who are struggling with *real* issues, but these are *my* issues, and they seem real enough to me.

I've been avoiding phone calls from friends, suspecting that they are pregnant.

I've have been crying at the drop of a hat this week - first at the (early, very early) arrival of my period (woo hoo, not pregnant...AGAIN), and now at the changed deadline dates of a grant that I think I had a very good chance of getting this year.

Why would they want to bring me on faculty if I mess up on something like this? I didn't check the webpage again when I got the email that it was up - I had already checked it, several weeks before, and written down the dates. I had downloaded the relevant information and forms. I had a scheduled worked out. I was working on the background and the significance arguments, with a plan to move on next week to the methods section. Plenty of time before September 25th.

Stupid stupid stupid.

Oh, and I scared the dog by yelling a Very Bad Word when I re-checked the webpage for something (the email of the person for the letter of intent, I think?) and saw the changed dates. So now he doesn't want to be near me.

Can I have a do-over? Maybe for the whole month?

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