Midway

We are, essentially, midway through the semester, and I feel like I have more of a handle on things than I did at this point last semester. This is probably because I have my buy out semester this semester, meaning that I am not teaching, only *taking* classes. Sometimes this ongoing training thing is just for the birds. Other times, though, I relish being the student again, instead of the teacher.

Next fall, I will be teaching students in the final year of their graduate clinical program. Eeps. Up until now, I have been more involved with the students earlier in the program - first semester, second year, etc. I worry - of course, because I would not be me if I did not worry - that I am too unsure, too far removed from my own clinical practice, too...academic to be an effective teacher at that point in the program. I guess we'll see, won't we?

I had a lovely crapstorm of a day on Friday...I originally had 3 conference calls scheduled (on my "work from home day"...I should rename it my "conference call day"). The first one went fine. The second one - to decide which nominee, of 3, should receive an award from a group that I am involved with, took two and a half hours. I had it on my calendar for 1. It. Was. Brutal. My specialty is relatively small - we all know each other, many of us have worked together, and we know background that we would not know if we did not know these nominees so well. It was one of the most difficult things I have ever had to do in my life. We finally decided that we should give the award to one particular person...meaning that I had to send two rejection emails and one yay, you got it! email. And, one of the rejected nominees is...someone I work with. Yeah. Someone I was supposed to be on a phone call with in a half hour. I couldn't do it. I manufactured a work-related excuse, and rescheduled for this week. Not that she won't put it together, after she gets the rejection email, but...man. That was one of the hardest things I have ever had to do, professionally. I suspect that this is what will keep me out of leadership positions. I just...I have such a difficult time telling people 'no' (well, unless I really don't want to do something), and I have a particularly hard time picking one deserving recipient of whatever out of a group of fabulous people and scholars. *sigh* I know it will be better soon, but I really wish I did not have to go through that. And I wish that she did not have to go through that.

Work-related angst aside, N comes home today - yay! - from a four-day meeting. He was hoping to get home yesterday, but that did not work out. He should be home shortly after lunch time, if all works out. He has a meeting this afternoon - not work-related - and is hoping to mow the lawn. Our warm weather has resulted in a jungle-like backyard. The poor dog doesn't even know where to start when I take him out. ;) Anyway - oh, right. I started this paragraph because I was so happy that N scheduled a massage yesterday, after his meeting sessions were finished. He never, ever, ever attends to his physical health, and it drives me NUTS. He does not exercise. He does not always make good food choices. He eats at his desk. He skips lunch. He...yeah. It can be very frustrating, particularly as I've worked to make changes to the way I eat. I'm not saying he doesn't eat his veggies, or that he refuses to eat what I cook (he is fabulously flexible in that regard...), but he just does not make his health a priority, and he really needs to. I can't wait to hear how he liked it - maybe this will prompt him to take better care of himself on a more regular basis. A girl can hope, right?

Onward. Studying for my test on Weds evening. From 6:45-8:45 PM. I might fall sleep in the middle there. That time is BRUTAL for me!