Tuesday, November 22, 2011


No posting for 6 months, and then I decide to do a "what's frustrating me now" post to jump back in? I guess if I can't do that here, then where can I do it? I've noticed that my fuse is much shorter recently, and I attribute at least part of that to the fact that I have stopped writing here - stopped keeping what could be a journal for me to dump my thoughts and (yes) frustrations. In an effort to keep things a bit more even-keeled...well, we'll see. I can't promise posts, but I can try to post more frequently, get out the things that are driving me nuts, and move on from there.

In no particular order...
  • My best friend from childhood. Who works 3 days a week, supporting a family of 5, who makes at least 3x what I make in a year, whose husband can stay home full time with the kids, who has three children she managed to conceive at the exact time she wanted to get pregnant. The last time we talked? She complained constantly about her work schedule, the call schedule, things around the house, holiday coverage, and on and on. And I was tempted to say, you know what? So many people would love to have this life. You make more money than I will ever EVER make. You chose a profession that you hate because your father wanted you to. You have a beautiful family and a cushy life, and you aren't happy with any of it.
  • And then she said the phrase that I hate to hear. First, she asked me "how things are going" with our infertility. I swear I've told her over and over again that we aren't doing anything right now. That we have no plans to go back on path of intervention, that we aren't even trying to have a baby. It's not the right time for us - and I don't think it will ever be the right time. For me, stopping treatment and getting off of that path are essential to my mental health. And I can't figure out how to tell her that without upsetting her or insulting her or I don't know what. So after I - again - told her that we're not actively pursuing anything right now, she said "I just want to say that I really admire how you've dealt with this." Well, what would the alternative be? I can either constantly mourn the life that might-have-been, or I can get out there and live life. I can renew and grow my relationship with my husband. I can figure out things that I enjoy doing, and people I enjoy doing them with, and pursue things that make me happy. Pursuing infertility treatment - even for the short time that we did so - was not making me happy. It was making me a crazy angry person whose fuse was...short. I think I replied with something along the lines of, "Well, you do what you have to do." *sigh*
  • The Extremely Fat Family at the gym, hereafter known as the EFFs. I should step aside here, briefly, and mention that I am not a very nice person. I am judgmental. I can be mean (in my head). I get frustrated when people do dumb things. Knowing that, it does not surprise me that the EFF now showing up at my gym is driving me up a freaking wall. Three of them showed up a few weeks ago - what seemed to be a couple and one of their fathers. The couple is probably 40 something - wife extremely overweight and husband morbidly obese - and the dad is verging on obese. Over the last few weeks, they have continued to add EFF members, to the point where now 6 or 7 of them show up, take over (and break) the elliptical machines, and then move on to the weight machines, where they proceed to SIT without actively lifting anything. In the meantime, I'm trying to get my workout in and get home in a timely manner. Today I bit the bullet and got up 15 minutes earlier (for those keeping track, that means I am now getting up at 3:45. AM.) to try to avoid them. I didn't succeed entirely, but I did manage to get through about 2/3 of my weights workout before some of them were wrapping up their cardio. I mean, I should be happy that they are moving, right? But I get so annoyed when my routine changes (I know, I should probably get help for this), and I'm having difficulty seeing the good in their gym attendance since it's messing with my routine. Anal much? It doesn't help that they are ... well, they're loud and they yell at each other and they talk on the phone and swear at each other and...it's just really disruptive. I'm at the gym to work out, not witness your family drama. Thanks. I hope their zeal wears off in the next few weeks. Holiday seasons are good for that.
  • Feeling one-upped. I hate feeling like others are trying to one-up me or us, and it seems like my BIL and SIL do it without even trying. As in, last year they got my MIL and FIL a trip over spring break. Plane tickets, condo, food while they were there, the whole shebang. We got them...I think we got his dad a book and his mom some crafty things for her home business. This year? We've got his dad covered, and we thought we had his mom covered, but then had to return what we got for her, when we realized it wasn't the right choice for her. Then, my BIL tells my husband on Sunday that they're going to get my in-laws an iPad for Christmas. Seriously. I get that they have a lot more money than we do. And I'm okay with that, most of the time. But ... we are constantly hearing how HARD they work and how MUCH they work, and how much they deserve their (seriously) sixth vacation of the year. Meanwhile, we are pinching pennies to try to take one major vacation every few years. And clearly we don't work hard. *sigh* again.
Those were the biggies for now, I think. I'm sure I'll think of something later. And then I'd like to move on to actually, you know, documenting our lives. Because there are some good things that we are doing - some fun things - and I think it would be nice to remember those down the line.

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