Perfect Storm

Wow, this week is really kicking my rear end. It's like a perfect storm of issues/announcements/*things* designed to mess with me.

My husband is home this week, because he is starting a new! job! Monday. A local job. One that does not entail driving 3+ hours one-way and staying away from home Sunday through Thursday nights. It's also going to be pretty challenging for him, which is good. I have learned that, with N, a bored N is a crabby N. And not a lot of fun to live with. So, whew. It worked out quite well - for him, and for the company he'll be working for. Fingers crossed that it goes well once he gets started, too!

So next week will be insane - he starts his job, I start orientation (!!!) for my job, and we're *still* trying to get the basement renovations finished. It's pretty exciting, to be honest.

But this week...oh, this week. It's just one thing after another for me. Nothing huge, but the fact that all of these little things are occurring at about the same time makes for a difficult week for me.

The cramps from hell started on Saturday, heralding the arrival of PMS-week. What fun! I've become resigned to the fact that I will have cramps for a week before the actual arrival of my period, at least while I still have the IUD. Appointment set for next month, so I will bring up my issues then.

Then, my cousin and his wife announced that they are pregnant with their "first child". Sigh. I knew something was up when my husband walked into the kitchen at dinner time, and said "I just got an email from [cousin's wife]." We never, ever get emails from them, so I just knew what it was about. I said "Let me guess, she's pregnant?" and he said yes. Of course, we are happy for them. But it is really hard for me to deal with, too. They got married about 2 months after we started trying to conceive...I remember being at their wedding and not drinking during the reception. I was still in my no-drinking-at-all phase then, thinking it would make a difference in our chances. Another cousin mentioned that I wasn't drinking, and made some comment about how I must be pregnant, or trying to get pregnant. If only. Anyway. Memories. One of the harder things was the way she set up her email - it began with a sentence about how one of the lovely parts of being a member of such a nice - and big-ish - extended family is how wonderful it is to be able to add to that extended family. *sigh, again* All I could think was, you have NO idea how difficult it is to be the member of that extended family who will not be adding to it. I'm sure people wonder. It helps that we are not local, and that we see the whole family rarely-if-ever. The other hard part is that this is the cousin who is the next youngest, after me. And, oddly, I think that all of the cousins so far have had kids in age order, if that makes sense. So the oldest cousin was the first, then the next in line, and on down to me. Where things came to a screeching halt. So I have officially been skipped now, which is painfully obvious to me. One of the congratulatory reply-all emails (from another cousin) mentioned the "long time" since there was a new baby in the family. I'm sure it wasn't a barb directed at me...but it was still hard to read.

Bright side? We won't see them while she is pregnant. We won't see any of the family, actually, except for my parents and brother's family. One good thing about living where we do - and I knew that before. It's just that it was brought home to me by this announcement.

Then...oh, goodness. I can't think of what was next. A series of small annoyances - idiots at the grocery store; the person who cuts my hair kind of spacing out during the cut while she told me this horror story about her dog being hit by a car. Terrible, terrible story - the dog is fine, by the way. But I didn't really get the hair cut that I wanted. A phone conversation with my best friend from childhood, in which she talked for an hour straight about her new job, their trip to see some family members, the kids' swimming lessons, etc. etc. etc. Then, at the tail end of the phone call, she asked (in a rather perfunctory way) what we were up to. Feeling like your life is not as important/full/interesting as others' lives is never a good feeling. Yesterday, I took the dog to get his nails trimmed and found that the groomer was having "personal problems" and wasn't in yet, even though I'd gone an hour after they were supposed to get in. Someone tried to clip his nails, but he wasn't a pro, and while he didn't hurt the dog, he did not do a great job. And my parents are coming in for the weekend - and their flight is already delayed almost 2 hours this morning.

It's just a week that started badly with the pregnancy announcement, and the PMS and cramps, and so every little thing that happened seemed bigger than it really was. I recognize this - and I knew it was going to be a stressful week. I just need to push through to get to the other side. Writing it all out here helps, since I know no one with a connection to any of these stories will read them.

Lazy? Not so much.

Well, that last post was a bit of a downer. Sheesh. I do have a terrible body image. I know this. I do have a difficult time figuring out what clothing looks good on my body. And I do obsess over trying to lose weight and burn enough calories every day.

On the other hand, I know I am quite good at what I do in my job. I can be funny when necessary. And I can even be social, if the occasion calls for it. (Fortunately, it doesn't call for it very often...) I am pretty darn happy in my life - which is busier and busier, the more responsibility I take on.

I start my new job in less! than! 2! weeks! This is not really a *change* for me - I will be staying at the same institution, but will be making the transition from a post doc to a faculty position. So I will have to go to more meetings. I will have to interact with more people. I will have to make BIG decisions about what grants to apply for, and who to collaborate with, and how to spend my time. I will have to teach. (*gulp*) But I am so excited about being a real person, with a real job. After all the bouncing around I did in my 20s, and all the difficult decisions we made in the last 6 years...I finally feel like this is it. This (with a few minor tweaks) is what I am meant to be doing.

And yet...sometimes I (still) wish that I could build a bit more down time into my schedule. I feel like I always need to be doing-doing-doing. My husband is better at relaxing...at tuning out...at dinking...than I will ever be. I worry that I will not be able to balance the demands of my new job with my need for a mental (and physical) break.

Fortunately, my parents are coming to visit next week! I'm so excited - they were last here the December that I graduated. It was 20 degrees (+20, though, which is something) and it was snowing. This visit, it will be at least 80, and definitely *not* snowing. I hope to actually take a BREAK while they are here. I'll let you know how it goes. ;)